30 January 2010

One of those weeks...

You know those days when your toddler decides that waking up an hour before the alarm is to go off is a good idea. Not too mention that waking mom up once or twice during the night is no big deal. That has been the majority of my days this week. They don't seem to understand that mom doesn't necessarily go to sleep when they do and could really use that extra hour, especially when pregnant. I should be used to lack of sleep by now, but my body is just not having it lately. I am now in my third trimester, with a 20-month-old to run around after during the day and a 7-year-old to contend with as well. Needless to say exhausted is my normal state of being at this point. 

If lack of sleep was the only thing I had to contend with this week, that would've been better. Tuesday afternoon I had to drag my 7-year-old to go to the doctor's for his 2nd H1N1 shot. It amazes me that getting vaccines for a toddler is much easier. After running around on Wednesday morning to a doctor's appointment and the grocery store, I went to pick up my stepson from school as usual, only to find out he had an after-school activity. If it wasn't winter and freezing cold this week, I probably would've opted to sit in the parking lot and wait for the 45 minutes, rather than to drag the napping toddler back home just to have to go out again in a half hour. The after-school activity puts a new bump in the schedule for the day, as it is ending just as I need to be across town to pick up my son from his school, which means that I will just hope and pray not to hit traffic. Thankfully we make it with minutes to spare. 

Thursday morning started out the same way, getting woken up early, but I managed to wake-up and get moving. The kids ate breakfast, got dressed, and I warmed up the car, we were ready to go. I thought, maybe today will turn out to be a much better day. No such luck, as I pull out of the driveway and start down the street, my rear passenger tire locks up. I pull in to the bank parking lot down the street, get out and look at the tires, everything looks okay to me. I pull out of the parking lot and head down the street again, and the tire locks again. Now I am on a main street, so I have to pull off on to a side street to see if I can get it to unlock. No such luck with that, so I decide to just try and get home through the side streets. I can now see the tire smoking in my rear view mirror, as I am pleading to myself, please just make it home. The last thing I wanted was to be stuck on the side of the road with a 20-month-old and a 7-year-old. We weren't far away, so we could've walked home, but it was below zero outside with the wind chill. We made it home in the car, but the tire was completely shot at that point. My son got a day home from school, which made him happy, and I got to make phone calls to get my car repaired. My boyfriend came home for an extended lunch to change the tire and bring it down to get a new one, which was better than having to drag both kids down to the repair shop with me, that was a positive for the day. 

Friday started off as a much better day, I actually got to sleep until the alarm went off, the kids got ready and we were off to school without incident. Picked my stepson up from school, no surprise activities and oil was delivered by the time I got home, which meant not having to worry about running out over the weekend. I got my son from school and came home to get him ready to go to his dad's for the weekend. The downside on that was his dad was swamped at work, so he asked me to drive him down to Danvers which is about a 45 minute drive. The car behaved the whole way down, but coming home I stopped for gas and the tire started acting up again. Needless to say it was a long ride home, I had to pullover a number of times to back up and get the tire to unlock before being able to go forward again without ruining the new tire. At least I made it home without ruining the tire, and today we took the car to run errands and it seems to be fine. Hopefully whatever was happening has fixed itself. 

This whole week I had the country song "Sounds Like Life To Me" stuck in my head. It definitely is an appropriate song for what was going on day-to-day in my life. It's the weekend now, thank goodness, and so far other than being woken up early everything else has been going better. Let's hope that this is a positive sign that next week won't be another one of those weeks.

28 January 2010

Losing Yourself?

Is it possible to still keep your individuality even when you are in a relationship? Sometimes I feel like I have lost who I am, now that I am a mom and in a relationship. It's hard to take time to focus on the things that I need sometimes when I am busy with my kids or my boyfriend. I still have dreams and need time to myself, even when I put my family first. Is it selfish to want some "ME" time? Should we lose our individuality when we become "WE"?

When do we take the time to focus on the things we need, when we are so focused on making sure that the rest of our family is okay and that their needs are being met? I feel that trying to accomplish my goals and dreams, should actually help my family, as I do need to make sure I am happy as well, so that I don't start to feel resentful. But then why do I feel guilty when I take some time to focus on myself and what I want to accomplish? Even if at the moment that may be taking 10 minutes away from the kids and my boyfriend to just take a shower and relax, to feel "human" again. It's amazing how much better one can feel after having those few minutes to one's self.

So how do we take care of our families and fulfill our own needs? How do we find that balance to keep our chaotic lives under control? How do we not lose our own individuality while juggling our multiple roles, whatever those may be? I guess it takes time and practice to figure this all out, and for each of us it will be a different path that we take to get there. Best of luck to us all...